Buy American stamps to show you love your country.
Well, I must admit that I have been remiss in showing my love for America. I have not woken up every day singing God Bless America, and even after having coffee made in South America, I have not belted out that great and patriotic and religious loving tune. I have even said my prayers and counted my blessing before loving America and that has to stop right now.
So some simple solutions that I will implement immediately. I hope all of you will also join in to do the same each day.
1. A flag lapel pin collection. Now I don't have one flag lapel pin and that is down right unpatriotic in my book. So I will immediately go to Walmart and buy all the flag lapel pins in stock, never mind that they may be produces in a foreign country, or even in a communist country. I must have lapel pins that show the flag and my love for America every moment of every day.
2. All my clothes now will be red, white and blue. I have a leather flag coat that I have never worn so now I will wear it all day and even at night as I sleep.
3. I know the only way to show my love for America is to choose a certain news station and keep that station on 24/7, so I will buy a dish, and implement a 24/7 Fox news program agenda. Nothing says love for country more than a news organization that went to court to prove it does not have to really report real news.
4. I will collect and keep all stamps, coins and paper money that has any symbol of our country on it. These sacred objects cannot be used to buy any foreign product, illegal drug, pornography or even invest in a foreign business entity. Now, since I must survive, I will start a Buy American Only policy, which of course will be hard, but dammit, we must buy patriotically or we end up hating our country. No more French wine and cheeses for me, those socialists can have it all back. And even if an American bread company bakes french bread I cannot in good conscience but anything related to those who have not done one thing for us since helping us win the War for Independence.
5, I will hum or sing God Bless America every waking hour.
6. While working anywhere on the farm I will carry at least two bibles on my person at all times. I own four of them but some must stay in the house to keep the home safe, warm and sacred.
7. I will no longer pray for peace, good will towards all men or hope for a better future. I will pray that gays not be allowed to marry, flower shops, photographers and cake makers have the freedom to discriminate, I will pray that any American police officer can shoot to kill if someone mouths off to them, and I will pray that we all find out finally that Obama is a foreign agent for terrorists. I will pray that we finally make all Americans profess their love of a Christian god and not those other gods from the Middle East. And I will pray that every man, woman and child finally owns a gun ( but not none-Christians, liberals, agnostics or atheists).
8. I will join the Republican party, profess my undying love for the party and buy an elephant for the farm to show how much I love and care for America. Nothing says love of country more than a large African animal walking around in the snow, and I will paint said elephant red, white and blue and teach it to trumpet God Bless America.
9. And last, but not least, I will tattoo the words Giuliani-Walker 2016 on my forehead and I will pray to God that they forever be our leaders, even after the pass away, we will not ever need another President or Vice President after them, because America will then be heaven on Earth till doomsday.