The office holiday party is tricky territory. If you aren’t careful, you could end up without a job in the morning.
And if you are too careful, you could end up missing out on a ton of free booze and bonding. (For the most part though, you want to err on the side of too careful.)
Regardless if you spend the whole night getting trashed and making besties with the new intern as you spill your life story, or if you are horrified by everyone and everything and stand against the wall the entire time, one thing is for certain: You will never view the office in the same way again.
Here are the 45 uncertainties everyone thinks and feels after an unforgettable office holiday party.
1. I know I had a life-changing conversation with one of my coworkers, I just don’t remember who it is.
2. Why did I have to ask that random old dude (who happens to be the CFO) if he worked here?
3. I wish they didn’t leave me alone with the IT guys.
4. My coworker is hot. F*ck, I’ve named the beast now.
5. I would never be friends with these people outside of the office.
6. Did anyone see me throw up in the plant?
7. I showed up way too early. Does that mean I don’t have to stay late?
8. Why would anyone throw an office party during the work week?
9. Will they surprise us with hangover bagels tomorrow morning?
10. I should have worn something underneath my skirt.
11. It was weird when Larry from Accounting dressed up like Santa and never broke out of character.
12. Why am I so unsuccessful when it comes to avoiding my boss? Especially in empty elevators?
13. Weird. Just so weird. This whole office is nuts.
14. This empty bag of watermelon cough drops and crumpled receipts can only mean one thing: I totally embarrassed myself last night.
15. Fuck, I hope I don’t get fired.
16. What happens at the office party, STAYS at the office party… right?
17. WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?!
18. What’s the gossip. I need deets.
19. I shouldn’t have made out with the new intern.
20. I really hope she’s legal.
21. Tonight was definitely not the night to skip dinner.
22. My boss was way too comfortable on the dance floor. Is it in my job description to stop him?
23. Pregaming wasn’t necessary.
24. Please lord I hope no one caught that on camera.
25. I smell like Big Foot’s dick.
26. I need an IV drip of fluids.
27. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted Diane’s sketchy looking ceviche.
28. Going straight from the office was so not the move. Why am I the only person in a suit?
29. Is that a homeless person or my cubicle mate sleeping on the reception couch?
30. Maybe I shouldn’t have done that body shot off that sales exec and had it captured on film.
31. I should stay home more often.
32. I probably shouldn’t have thrown a punch at my coworker… Oops.
33. Whose puke is that?
34. So much regret. So much regret.
35. Was I the worst person there? All I did was anonymously terrorize people waiting for drinks, slap my boss’s ass and then pass out at the bar. I didn’t do anything too bad, right?
36. Why did I ask who my boss’s boss was? I definitely should not have asked…
37. Did I say too much?
38. Probably.
39. How the hell did I get to work on time? Who would throw an office party in the middle of the week?
40. It scares me that my last memory is taking a shot with the custodial group. And then nothing.
41. Why is there an email chain going around about me?
42. Thank God I never said anything too incriminating on the internal messaging system… And said it all aloud tonight instead.
43. Why does it feel like everyone hates me today? Including myself?
44. I’m pretty sure I pet the CEO’s toupee. I really hope he didn’t notice.
45. This is the best office ever.